5 Lessons From the Wilderness: Overcoming Trauma and Divorce
When we think of the wilderness, images of barren landscapes, endless deserts, or tangled forests might come to mind—places where it’s easy to feel small, disoriented, and alone. But what if the wilderness is more than just a place of struggle? What if it’s the very space where we begin to rebuild?
Divorce and trauma can feel like an emotional wilderness. I know this firsthand. After my own divorce in 2014, I wandered through that desert—feeling broken, hopeless, and unsure of how to move forward. The path was unclear, but over time, I discovered something beautiful: the wilderness is not a punishment. It’s a place of growth, transformation, and renewal.
Here are five powerful lessons I learned in the wilderness that can help you navigate your journey through trauma, divorce, and the life that comes after.
1. You Are Not Broken—You’re Becoming
In the aftermath of my divorce, I felt like “Humpty Dumpty.” I truly believed no one—not even “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men”—could put me back together again. That mindset kept me stuck, checked out, and unable to move forward.
But here’s the truth I want you to hold onto: you are not broken. You are becoming.
Divorce and trauma may shatter your idea of what life was supposed to look like, but you are still whole. The pieces you’re holding now are not irreparable—they are your building blocks for something new. In the wilderness, we’re invited to redefine ourselves, to decide who we want to be, and to rebuild with intention.
If you feel shattered, remind yourself: “This is not the end of my story. I am in the process of becoming stronger, wiser, and more resilient.”
2. Grief Is Love With No Place to Go
One of the hardest lessons of the wilderness is learning to sit with grief. Divorce is, in many ways, the death of a marriage. Even when the end is necessary, it brings a flood of emotions—anger, sadness, guilt, fear, and resentment.
Grief, as I’ve learned, is “love with no place to go.” Let that sink in for a moment.
You may grieve the love you shared, the future you imagined, or even the person you were in that relationship. That grief is real, and it deserves space. When you allow yourself to feel it fully—without judgment—you create room for healing.
In the wilderness, emotions become our compass. Instead of stuffing them down, check in with yourself:
- What am I feeling right now?
- Where is this showing up in my body?
Breathe through it, journal about it, talk it out. Grief isn’t something to overcome; it’s something to move through.
3. Mindset Is Everything
Divorce can make you feel powerless. You didn’t choose this. You didn’t plan for this. It’s easy to spiral into thoughts like, “I can’t do this,” or “This is too much.” I get it—I’ve been there.
But here’s the truth: your mindset determines your experience of the wilderness.
The moment I shifted my perspective, everything changed. Instead of viewing divorce as a punishment, I began to see it as an opportunity—an opportunity to reclaim my voice, to clarify what I wanted, and to create a life that aligned with me.
This doesn’t mean ignoring your pain or pretending to be positive. It’s about balancing the truth of your experience:
- “This is hard AND I’m capable of handling it.”
- “I didn’t plan for this AND I’m finding my way.”
The words you speak to yourself are powerful. Speak with compassion.
4. You Get to Choose Who You Become
The wilderness gives us the space to decide: Who will I be in the face of this challenge?
During my own divorce, I spent two years in denial. I was stuck, confused, and riding an emotional rollercoaster because I didn’t know who I wanted to be on the other side of it. I let my circumstances define me instead of choosing for myself.
But here’s the truth: tough experiences call on us to make tough decisions. Life’s trials and setbacks asks us to answer the question, What’s next?
Will you stay in the emotional chaos, or will you choose to move forward?
Will you cling to what was lost, or will you create a vision for your future?
You don’t have to have all the answers today, but you do have the power to decide your next step. Explore new possibilities. Redefine what joy, success, and love mean to you.
5. Strategies Create Stability in the Chaos
Healing isn’t about waiting for the wilderness to disappear—it’s about learning to navigate it with intention. That’s where strategies come in.
The habits, rituals, and routines you create during this time will become your anchors. Simple practices—like mindful movement, journaling, or spending time in nature—help you find stability when everything feels uncertain.
One of the strategies I often share with my clients is to “Take Your M.E.D.S.”:
- M = Mindset: Speak empowering truths to yourself.
- E = Emotions: Feel your emotions fully, but don’t let them control your decisions.
- D = Decisions: Choose who you want to be and take small, consistent steps forward.
- S = Strategies: Develop habits that support your growth and resilience.
Healing is not a one-time event; it’s a daily commitment.
The Wilderness Is Your Turning Point
The wilderness is not a place you’ll stay forever. It’s a season—a turning point that offers clarity, growth, and renewal. It’s where you begin to see that your pain can become the foundation for your purpose.
I know the path may feel long and lonely, but you are not alone. You are not broken. And you are more capable than you realize.
This journey may not be easy, but I promise you—it’s worth it. On the other side of the wilderness is a life of resilience, clarity, and joy.
You’ve survived the storm. Now it’s time to rebuild.
You are still the author of your life. The next chapter? That’s yours to write.
LaQuita S. Fergerson
Certified Divorce, Transition, and Recovery Coach®
Helping you reclaim your voice, rewrite your story, and create the life you love.
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